Hi Michelle! I just finished reading your story, "Ravana's Revelations." I think the idea of a character from the Ramayana in a psychiatrist's office is both creative and comedic. I took notes while I read your story, so I hope you don't mind if I make a few suggestions. First off, I liked the internal monologue of the psychiatrist; I would go back and re-read for tense and point of view, however. There were a few spots in which the point of view switched between first person and third person which can be somewhat confusing, and often pulls the reader out of the action for a moment to catch up. If you want to keep the thoughts of the psychiatrist, try prefacing them with something like, "Dr. So-and-so thought to himself," or something to that effect. Additionally, there were a few moments that switched out of the past tense into the present tense, which also presents some inconsistency. Just something to look at. I really liked your use of rhetorical questions at the end to serve as an epilogue, of sorts. It definitely helps to keep the reader on edge, awaiting the next chapter. Keep up the good work, and obviously, take others' advice with a grain of salt. You should do what feels true to you in your writing. :)
Hi Michelle! You write so beautifully. I thoroughly enjoyed your stories, and I'm so very glad that I chose to read through your portfolio this week! I think my favorite story of yours has to be Ravana’s Revelations. It was such an interesting and creative point of view on a story that everyone in this course is familiar with. I really enjoyed how you switched the evil villain’s motive, and turned him into someone that the audience couldn’t help but feel sorry for. The point about having nine other voices in his head, since he has ten heads, was such a great detail! It made me think of that recent film, “Split”, and I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the twist. This was a really good project, and I’m so glad that I had the chance to read your stories! You have a great talent for writing and I hope you continue past this class.
Just to say that is such a cute picture, Michelle! It makes me want to leave a comment. :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle! I just finished reading your story, "Ravana's Revelations." I think the idea of a character from the Ramayana in a psychiatrist's office is both creative and comedic. I took notes while I read your story, so I hope you don't mind if I make a few suggestions. First off, I liked the internal monologue of the psychiatrist; I would go back and re-read for tense and point of view, however. There were a few spots in which the point of view switched between first person and third person which can be somewhat confusing, and often pulls the reader out of the action for a moment to catch up. If you want to keep the thoughts of the psychiatrist, try prefacing them with something like, "Dr. So-and-so thought to himself," or something to that effect. Additionally, there were a few moments that switched out of the past tense into the present tense, which also presents some inconsistency. Just something to look at. I really liked your use of rhetorical questions at the end to serve as an epilogue, of sorts. It definitely helps to keep the reader on edge, awaiting the next chapter. Keep up the good work, and obviously, take others' advice with a grain of salt. You should do what feels true to you in your writing. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle! You write so beautifully. I thoroughly enjoyed your stories, and I'm so very glad that I chose to read through your portfolio this week! I think my favorite story of yours has to be Ravana’s Revelations. It was such an interesting and creative point of view on a story that everyone in this course is familiar with. I really enjoyed how you switched the evil villain’s motive, and turned him into someone that the audience couldn’t help but feel sorry for. The point about having nine other voices in his head, since he has ten heads, was such a great detail! It made me think of that recent film, “Split”, and I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the twist. This was a really good project, and I’m so glad that I had the chance to read your stories! You have a great talent for writing and I hope you continue past this class.
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